jhaypee

Pinoy At Coffee Shop

By: CyberLounge


 
Pinoy goes to order breakfast at a coffee shop in Manhattan...

Waiter: "What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?"
Pinoy: "No... Big cup! Big cup!"

Waiter: "What would you like for your breakfast?"
Pinoy: "Hameneggs."

Waiter: "And how do you like your eggs, sir?"
Pinoy: "Yes, tenkyu, I like dem beri much."
Waiter: "No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?"
Pinoy: "Yes, tenkyu, I wud like dem cooked."
Waiter (with increasing impatience): "Would you like your eggs... fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?"
Pinoy (with increasing uneasiness): "Yes, one fried en one hard boiled or sop boiled."

Waiter: "And what bread would you like?"
Pinoy: "Begyurpardon?"
Waiter: "What kind of bread would you like... white? rye? whole wheat? toast?"
Pinoy: "Pan Amercano..."
Waiter: "We don't have that..."
Pinoy: "Okey. Gib me Taystee..."
Waiter: "We don't have that either, sir..."
Pinoy: "Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete?"

Waiter: "Sir, you are wasting my time... I shall ask for the last time, what would you like for breakfast?"
Pinoy: "Donut plis..."

Filipino From Bicol

By: Anonymous


 
A Filipino guy from Bicol tries very hard to come to Canada. In doing so he spent all his money and sold all his valuables so after he gets out of the Canadian airport he takes the bus to go stay at his relatives' house.

He thinks to himself,  "Galit na galit ako parang gusto kong pumatay." So he takes a out his knife and flashes it at some white guy standing there on the bus, The white guy then says, " Yo ! BE COOL man be cool!"

Then the Filipino guy says, "Oh Pasalamat ka, taga Bicol ka kundi pinatay na kita!!"

Top 10 Reasons Forrest Gump Would Say If He's Filipino

By: Anonymous


 
10. My name is Porrest, Porrest Goomp

9. Inay always said that life is like a balikbayan box

8. Lieutenant Dan! Putang ina mo!

7. Lieutenant Dan! Gusto mo ba ang sorbetes?

6. Me and Jenny went together like champorado and isda

5. Mr. President, iihi ako. Na saan ang "comfort room?"

4. My best friend Bubba knew everything there was to know about bagoong. "There's bagoong with rice, bagoong with lemon juice, fried bagoong, bagoong at puto, etc."

3. Those look like comfortable shoes. Sa Payless ba?

2. He invested my money in a prrooot company

1. Tanga is as tanga does.

Long Distance

By: Anonymous


 
A nurse who works here in America, New York to be exact, wanted to make an overseas phone call, so she dialed the operator...

Nurse:  "Operator I would like to place an overseas call to the Philippines".

Operator:    "OK, miss, what is your name?"

Nurse: "Maria Quintero"

Operator: "Could you please spell your last name Maria?"

Nurse: "Ok, Quintero... Q as in Cuba...U as in Europe... I as in eyebrow... N as in pneumonia... T as in ptyalin... E as in India... R as in Argentina...O as in Australia.


^^^Patay tayo dyan...

EROPLANO Read : 22 times
 1 2 3 4 5
(10 VOTES, AVERAGE 3.20 OUT OF 5)


WRITTEN BY MELBIN | 14 DECEMBER 2011
Stewardes: Are you done sir?
Juan: No I'm Juan.......
Stewardes: I mean to say,are you finish?[ finnish-from Finland]
Juan: No I'm Filipino
Stewardes: I mean to say,are you true?
Juan: Are you saying...I'm false?
hahahahahahahahaha

[A SAD STORY]

A SAD STORY Read :


WRITTEN BY ANCHI | 18 DECEMBER 2011


Last week was my birthday.
My wife didn't wish me.
My parents forgot and so did my kids.

I went to work.
Even my colleagues did not wish.

As I entered my room my pretty
secretary said, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY Boss!"
I felt special. She asked me for lunch.
After lunch, she invited me to her apartment.
We went there. She said, "Do you mind
if I go into the bedroom for a minute?"
"OK", I said in a sexy mood.
She came out 5 minutes later with a cake,
with my wife, my parents, my kids and
my colleagues.

All screaming "SURPRISE!!"

And, I was waiting on the sofa NAKED!

TEACHER: imagine u r a millionaire
write your life history
(1 boy didn't write)
TEACHER: why r u not writing?
BOY: i'm waiting for my secretary! ( sbi mo Millionaire ako eh...dapat may Secretary!)

Zodiac Sign

May magkasintahan nagsa-star gazing:
BF : Luv, anong zodiac sign mo?
GF : Zodiac sign? Ano yon?
BF : Yung Horoscope mo. Gaya ko, sa 'kin Cancer.
GF : Ah, ganun? Sa 'kin Almoranas!

tambayang pinoy

may tatlong nanay na nag uusap!!!!!!!

nanay1: mare!!!!!! anu pinapainum nyo sa anak nyo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nanay2:......... PROMIL para pampatibay ng buto!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


nanay3:.............BONAKID batang my laban!!!!!!!!




hehehe!!!!

nanay1: sa akin RED HORSE,  kasi ito ang TAMA!

Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?

-Lego

Learning Numbers
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.

"Yes," he said, "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three?"

"Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a fine job. What comes after ten?"

"A jack, then A Queen..."

Ayos...

- Dream Loneheart

Maid1: Amo ko galante. Lagi nagbibigay ng pera't damit lalo na pag wala si ma'am
Maid2: Amo ko kuripot. Sabay kami mag-shower para tipid daw sa tubig.

nyahahaha

JEEP PASSENGER: manong bayad.
JEEP DRIVER: saan galing?
JEEP PASSENGER: sa akin.
JEEP DRIVER: papunta saan?
JEEP PASSENGER: sayo.

Amo: Inday, titira dito ang biyenan ko ng 3 buwan. Ito ang listahan
ng mga favorite nyang pagkain.
Maid: Opo, sir.
Amo: Kapag may niluto ka dyan, lagot ka sa akin!
Maid: PO?

Lasing: Hoy! Sinong matapang?! Labas!
Lalake: Ako! Bakit? Lalaban ka?!
Lasing: Pare, ihatid mo naman ako sa bahay, natatakot ako kay misis eh.

ay sus...