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Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:




You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the values of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.


The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 -


You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.


PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

chinese and jews making business
A Chinese goes to a Jew to buy black bras size 38. The Jew, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers.
Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.

The Chinese buys 25 pairs.

He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.

The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.

The Chinese returns a month later and buys the Jew’s remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.

The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black bras and asks the Chinese, please tell me: What do you do with all these black bras?

The Chinese answers: ‘I cut them in half and sell the halves as skull caps to the Jews for $200.00 each.

"Hello?"

"Hi honey.


This is Daddy.


Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy.

She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Mario."

After a brief pause,Daddy says,"But honey,you haven't got an Uncle Mario."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."


Brief Pause.


"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.


"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?"

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.

Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"


"Oh my God!!! What about Uncle Mario?"


"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."



***Long Pause***




Then Daddy says,"What...swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"

Pedro, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire himself out as a handyman and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for him to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

Pedro said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told him that the paint and ladders that he might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "He should. He was standing on the porch."
A short time later, Pedro came to the door to collect his money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," Pedro answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.


"And by the way," Pedro added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Fellali."

Intelligent.

1 day there was a Filipino man talking to a chinese manager.


So he asked the chinese,Why you guys so rich and we are so poor?*in a very angry way*
So the chinese man ask him do u really want to know?
So the filipino man say yes.
So the chinese man put his hand on the wall.
He say come hit my hand.
(the filipino use full power to hit it)
But the chinese man avoid it. and the filipino hit his own hand againts the wall.
Marlaÿ:Why did u avoid it?
Chinese say:This is call intelligent.

So the filipino went back to his baryo.
He say to his friend,Do You Know why chinese are so rich and we are so poor?
Then one of his friend say YES I WANT TO KNOW.
So he say come i show you.
*But that place dont have any wall*
So he ask another friend come. He put his hand on another pinoy's face.
""PUNCH IT HAND HAND ON MY HAND"
So the friend punch it.But it did not hit his hand. It hit his friends face.
So the friend ask him why is he punching face?
He answer: This is call intelligent.

---joke lang po---peace!!!

The First FILIPINO in Space


PAGASA finally sends a Filipino into space courtesy of the Russians. Finally, after months of training, the Filipino astronaut and a chimpanzee are blasted off into space.

Once in orbit, the Filipino waits for instructions. The screen flickers and the instrucions are flashed on it:

"Chimpanzee, execute space manuever No. 23B"

The chimp takes over flight control and carries out the manuever. The Filipino astronaut is impressed but patient... he knows his instructions will come and they'll probably be more complex than what the chimp just did.

The screen flickers again and more instructions appear:

"Chimpanzee, carry out scientific experiment No. 234"

The chimp goes to the lab and mixes chemicals and carries out all sorts of complex scientific experiments. While he's doing this, the Filipino astronaut is impatient. He speaks to Ground Control tru the comm link: "Eh Control, how come I got nothing to do man... train for so long but the monyet does all the important work but I'm smarter than the monyet"

Finally Ground Control responds: "Be patient, your instructions are coming soon"

Finally, the monkey rejoins the Filipino astronaut and they wait for the instructions from the screen.

The screen flickers and the message appears....

"Prepare for new instructions...."

A small door under the screen opens. Inside, there is a compartment with a wrapped item inside.....

"Filipino astronaut, remove the item and unwrap then wait for further instructions"

The Filipino astronaut unwraps the item and finds a banana inside. "Must be biogenetic banana" he thinks...

The screen flickers again....

"Filipino astronaut, please feed the monkey"

--may dalawang bingi namalengke--

Bingi 1: hoy mare mamalengke ka?

Bingi 2: hindi mamalengke ako.

Bingi 1: ay kala ko mamalengke ka..

--2 kumare namalenge-

Mare1: lam mo mare, pag nakakita ako ng talong, naa-alala ko talaga mister ko
Mare2: bakit?
Mare1: kasi nagviviolet cya pag tumitigas.
Mare2: ganun ba? ako nga pag naka kita ako ng itlog na pula, mister ko na-a-alala ko
Mare1: bakit, namumula ba ang itlog ng mister mo?
Mare2: hindi, sobrang alat!!

--sa lamay--

Priest: si Juan po ay isang mabait na kaibigan, palabiro and sobrang matulungin, masakit mang isipin pero kailangang tanggapin....

Petra: anak tingnan mo nga ang kabaong baka hini ang ama mo ang naka burol...

sa classroom...


Titser: Juan spell DOG!
Juan: D-A-G maam!
Titser: Wrong!!
Juan: W-r-o-n-g!

--pari sa religious class--

Pari: yung mga demonyo ay nagsisitaguan sa ilalim ng lupa at namamalage sa impyerno..

juan: pader, may skedyul din po ba ang mga demonyo?

Pari: bakit mo nasabi anak?

juan: kasi palagi dun sa bahay namin, palaging inaaway ng nanay ko..

boy: pareng berto ano ba zodiac sign mo?

berto napigilan kasi di alam anong ibig sabihin ng zodiac sign..
berto: ahhhhmmm...zodiac sign? ikaw muna pare, ano zodiac sign mo

boy: cancer ako pre, ikaw?

berto: ay, goiter sa akin pre..

boy: palabiro ka talaga pre, wala namang goiter na zodiac sign ehh..

berto: ikaw naman pre di na mabiro, ulcer pre, ulcer talaga...

-2 probinsyano sumakay ng elevator--

berto: pedro, pedro bayad natin dali

pedro: wag kang maingay, baka akalain nila ignorante at taga bundok ka, tanga at bobo ka talaga, antayin mo na natin ang konductor bago tayo mag bayad, keso sa kalabaw kalang nakasakay eh..

isang gabi nauwi si pedro lasing na lasing, nadatnan ang asawa nag aantay..

pedro: anak ng p*ta naman oo, anong oras na, bakit ngayon lang ako? napaka walang hiya ko talaga! di ko ba alam na naghihintay ang asawa ko sa akin?. Napaka iresponsable ko namang asawa. Wala akong karapatan na mahalin. Gago ako! Gago ako! bwesit talaga ako sa buhay ng asawa ko. cge na matulog na tayo, baka may magawa pa ako sa p*tang inang sarili ko!

asawa: tula-la..

--babae umiiyak--

pedro: o miss bat ka umiiyak?

miss: nirape ako, huhuhuhuhuhu...

pedro: huh? saan?

miss: buti nalang may pera ako

pedro: binigay mo yung pera?

miss: hindi noh, niyaya ko cya sa motel, nakakahiya naman kung dyan sa tabi tabi nya lang ako rapin, kadiri kaya sa damuhan..